The poet Robert Frost wrote, “Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”

In my case, the desire to be irresistibly desired is what inspired me to keep slogging through those 70 first dates. That’s a lot of dates with a lot of strange men, and trust me, these were some pretty strange men. Dating is an awkward affair and for the woman who thinks of herself as “less than beautiful” it can be emotional torture.

As much as I disliked dating, there was something I liked even less: The idea of living alone and growing old alone and being alone for the rest of my life. The independent, strong-hearted, intellectually-minded, career-driven feminist in me wanted to prove that I didn’t need no stinkin’ man, but the irresistible desires of my soul trumped all the intellectual wrangling.

I wanted to be irresistibly desired. I wanted to know how it felt to be mired in romantic love. I wanted to find someone that would love me unconditionally. The first two were reasonable goals, but the third may have been an overreach. Do spouses love unconditionally? Before you answer, think about this. Could you love your spouse if they caused harm to a child? Could you love your spouse if they committed a heinous act?

Unless you’re a real saint, the answer is probably, “No.” And most saints don’t marry.

In the book, Dogs Never Lie About Love, author Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson tells about a man who put his dog into a small boat, and rowed out into the deep waters of the Seine. Hoping to drown the poor beastie, he threw him overboard. It seems that this was 19th Century euthanasia for ridding oneself of unwanted dogs. The desperate animal tried repeatedly to climb back into the boat, but the owner forced the dog’s head under water again and again. This went on for a time, until the owner lost his balance and fell headfirst into the dark water.

“As soon as the faithful dog saw his master in the water, he left the boat, and held him above water till help arrived from the shore, and his life was saved” (p. 25).

This dog’s love for his master gives a beautiful and powerful picture of unconditional love, or perfect love. It’s a love that flows and grows, completely independent of the opinions, emotions, reactions, responses or hatred of others.

I am happy to report that I am now irresistibly desired by Date #70, aka Wayne. And thanks to him, I now know how it feels to be mired in romantic love. But as my friend Margee says, “You can’t get everything you need from one person.”

As for my desire to be loved unconditionally, I did what any right thinking woman would do.

I got a little dog.

And this silly little quadruped does indeed love me unconditionally. It’s mighty nice.

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