These “happy holidays” can be hard on people who are already struggling day to day with isolation and loneliness. And this time of year can be extra tough on the freshly divorced.

In 2002, after my divorce, I lived alone for the first time in my 43 years of life. And one of the harshest surprises of this new solo experience was the soul-crushing pain of loneliness. I lived alone. I worked from home (alone) and I ate alone and I slept alone. Many days passed when I didn’t see another human face. Work kept me busy and distracted most days but the holidays presented a special challenge.

In 2004, I gave a lecture in Muncie, Indiana. It was a small group and a lovely gathering. After the lecture, an older woman came up to me and started chatting with me. I told her my mother had died in 2002 and that I still missed her.

“She always insisted that I call her when traveling and let her know that I’d arrived safely,” I told the elderly woman who looked back at me with the sweet smile and understanding eyes. “But now there’s no one to call now. I just sit in my hotel room and stare at the phone, wishing I could talk to her one more time.”

“I know about loneliness,” the elderly woman said quietly. “I know how it feels to realize that there’s no-one waiting for you at home and no one expecting your call. I know all about that.”

Her words touched my soul.

After my first post-divorce holiday, my daughter Crystal told me what she’d learned about loneliness while working during the holidays at a video rental store.

“On Thanksgiving  Day and Christmas Day, there are two kinds of people who rent videos,” she told me. “There are the smiling parents with the happy kids bouncing around their feet, looking for a video that’ll keep the kids entertained for a couple hours. And then there are the desperately lonely souls, whose number one goal is getting through the day without slashing their wrists. They can hardly bear to make eye contact.

“When I see them at my register, loaded down with enough videos to keep their brain turned off for eight hours, I don’t want to twist the knife by wishing them a ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ or ‘Merry Christmas.’ I just bag up their videos and say, ‘Thank you.’”

Before my divorce, I was clueless about this massive culture of loneliness. I had no idea how frightening and depleting loneliness could be.

Now I understand.

Next:  Real beauty, true love and The Velveteen Rabbit.

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